Article

Social Media and Adultery

Presented by: Suzette-The Marriage Warrior

The internet culture has provided assess to so many wonderful things.  At a click of a button, we are able to search anything that our minds desire and social media has allowed us to connect to anyone around the world.  As beneficial as this tool is, the tempters within it can be personally destructive and can rip apart what God intended for healthy marriage. 

So much time is spent on our cell phones.  This one device allows us to answer emails, read the newspaper, view text messages, search social media, etc.  Much of the “phone stare” activities cause marital partners to live in solitude that is unhealthy for relationship connection.  Furthermore, the “one device for all things” phenomenon forces partners’ to trust that all phone activity is legitimate.  When in fact, the lurking internet tempters can cause spouses’ to engage in marital betrayal, while sitting in the same room.  

Marriage is a fragile institution that requires trust.  The foundation of relationship trust is built on emotional intimacy through authenticity and transparency.  Most people perceive their smart devices as private and find it intrusive if their partner desires to inquire.  In fact, if a partner, sensing marital disconnection, ask their spouse “what are you doing on your phone” a quick response to avoid the investigation could be “just checking on something”.  This type of interaction effectively stops the marital transparency, which leads to more emotional isolation.

Instant internet asses to pornography is a given.  It is fairly common knowledge that males are more often engage in pornography because of its sexual components that “falsely” meet male sexual needs.  Pornography addiction is not always associated with adultery but often meets the same marital demise related to the deception required for the act, which neglects the marital need of transparency and authenticity.  Internet assess not only provides opportunities for sexual betrayal, but the rising emotional affair phenomenon is a result of the social media construct, especially for women.

Sexuality needs are important to both genders.  However, for women, the sexuality need is driven by emotional connection needs.  Through assessing social media avenues, women are able to meet emotional needs through connecting with friends and loved ones by scrolling facebook timelines and snapchatting.  Depending on the gender, whether viewing porn or social media, a lot of non-productive energy and wasted viewing time is utilized to fulfill unmet internal voids. As the marital emotional/romantic/sexual attachment is unmet, it leaves room for these activities to increase.

Social media can be an acceptable form of entertainment.  However, the subtle temptations are revealed when, for example, an ex-lover sends a message that says “Been thinking about you.  How are you?”  The non-threatening message can lead to a series of conversations, wherein emotional voids are being fulfilled, seducing the partner into emotional connection with someone other than their spouse.  What once seemed innocent, becomes riddled with strings of messages that block marital transparency and authenticity.  Deception becomes part of the marital interaction, and emotional needs are met outside of the marriage.  Many of these emotional affairs become so entangled that sexually activity will more than likely follow.  Reaching out to unhealthy avenues to soothe the pain of unresolved internal and marital issues will only result in the cycle of deception and betrayal, causing increased internal and relationship damage.  If a partner is seduced by internet tempters, ignoring the real issues and engaging in “what feels good at the time” will not solve the problems. 

The marriage, alone, has the power to fulfill the relational needs of each partner.  However, the marriage never has the power to meet the internal voids, within each partner.  Both entities need exploration.  Transparency and authenticity are mandated for marital health.  As each partner first becomes authentic and transparent within themselves and is willing to openly share vulnerabilities with their spouse, the marriage will automatically build relationship intimacy that leads to long-term individual and relationship sustainability. 

WARRIOR’S WISDOM

1. Become aware of non-productive device use.

2. Begin to explore what is going on within yourself.  Get assistance if needed.

3. Begin to explore the unmet needs within your marriage.  Get assistance if needed.

4.Challenge yourself to become more engaged in your “off-line” relationships.

5. Don’t trick yourself into believing the lies of the opposite sex’s seductive language.

6. Cover yourself with daily prayer to be alert and honest with yourself and God.

7. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal unresolved inner hurts.

8. Recognize and decrease mind-numbing activities.

9. Recall things you love to do and get more active.

10. Don’t reduce yourself to things you know are less than what God created you to be.